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The Lychway in Print

Posted @ 09:26:56 on 31 January 2010

The Lychway is finally in print, and I am so excited. Not only is it in print, but it is now available on Amazon, both in the UK and the US. It feels like a huge achievement, and as I have always been someone that puts vast amounts of energy into quite big projects that then never quite make it to fruition, I never quite finish what I have started, so to me it feels like a milestone. To actually get past all those blockages that have stopped me in the past, and push through the (invisible to anyone else) boundaries feels good. So far I have written two novels, and in my dim and distant acting past I made lots of short films, and a feature length film, and none of them made it outside into the world for other people to see. When I had my piece published in Abraxas a couple of Months ago, I happened to comment to the publisher at the launch party that he was the first person from the outside world to read my writing, and that was a big deal for me. He laughed and said, "and several hundred other people are reading it now too!". This took me off guard and shocked me at the time, because I just hadn't thought about it like that. I think I agreed to publish it and just blocked it out of my mind, and forgot that people I didn't know would be reading it, reading something that had a large piece of of my soul on display in it. I think it links in with my general fear of attention, the very middle class feeling of "I don't want to make a fuss". I always hated having birthday parties as a child, as I didn't like being the centre of attention. I didn't ever want to have a wedding for that same reason, so when E and I eloped to Cairo, it suited me fine. There was no white dress, no flowers, just me and him and no one looking at us and scrutinising what I was wearing, or what we were doing. I guess publishing the Lychway has been like that too, publish by stealth. Do away with all the parts that have stressed me out in the past and caused me to give up, the part where you have to put yourself out there to be judged by an unknown person. It was the same when I was acting. So this time I took the self-publishing route, because that way I get to be the one who decided if it is good enough or not, I get to call the shots and decide when my work is good enough to be read by the outside world. It is my book and my choice. And yet, like any other artist, a part of me does crave some recognition for my efforts. I do want people to read it, and like it. I do want it to have the chance to take on its own life, to make its own way in the world, but maybe this is just my way of doing that. Give it it's freedom and let it have a chance at having it's own existence apart from me, not to be held back by my fears and limiting beliefs. I know there is snobbery about self-publishing in certain circles, but this poor baby did the rounds, and was sent out all over the place, only to discover that unless you know someone in the publishing world, it is unlikely that you will experience the miracle of getting discovered and published, so this way at least I don't get the angst of having to do that. I hate that process, and it drains me of energy and makes me lose touch with what is beautiful about writing. For me, writing is a creative journey where I get to express what is going on in my world, I get to connect spiritually, it is a joint effort with me and the Great Creator where we work hand in hand to produce something together. It is my spiritual life manifested in front of me, and to reduce that to a letter to an unknown agent or publisher dims it's light and mine, and drains me of energy. This way I get to share it with anyone that wants to share it, but I don't get the downward energy spiral with it. So now, maybe I will take the plunge and let Somewhere She Is There have the same chance of a life...

Posted @ 09:26:56 on 31 January 2010

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