Posted @ 13:29:13 on 29 October 2008
One of the reasons I love this path is that (on good days) I feel like I have an uninterrupted connection straight into the universe, but my seemingly innocent visit to Egypt has just unleashed something that confirms several things for me. Firstly that life is never fixed and stable; change is always waiting in the sidelines. Secondly, that you have to follow your heart as often as possible, because it speaks a truth that your head just wouldn't understand. And thirdly, expect the unexpected. Listen for the signs, and pay attention, because if you don't listen the first time, the gods will just shout louder, and if you don't hear them then, gods help you when they unleash things on you that you can't ignore! Fourthly that the restrictions we see around us are largely self-imposed, and nothing is ever as fixed as it seems. And lastly? Never say never. Post a journal entry about how sad and pathetic the idea of a twin flame is, and you may just get a shock that you were not expecting. "So, what happened in Egypt?" I hear you wondering... What didn't happen in Egypt might be more to the point. In short, I found myself in the position of Shirley Valentine, but in Egypt instead of in Greece, and at the end of the film, my Shirley Valentine did not find the Greek waiter trying it on with another tourist, she found herself falling headlong in love with him. Not that he is a waiter, he is a very well educated and cultured man who stimulates my brain as much as my heart strings. He is a guide, and it was while he was showing us round all the amazing temples that this whole thing began. He spoke to my absolute inner soul. We would be having conversations where he would ask me a question, and tell me the answer before I had even managed to think what my answer would be. Before I had even formulated a response, he had already read it on my face and told me if I was telling the truth or not. Now for someone who has always been quite cynical in affairs of the heart, there is something deeply disturbingly ironic about this prospect. Falling in love at first sight does not happen in my world, or at least it didn't. But now I find myself questioning all those deeply held beliefs I once had about love and relationships. "I am not the marrying type" - actually yes, I am. "I will never get married" - actually, yes I will. "I am not sure I want children" - actually, I beg to differ. My previous partner refused to have children, but I actually want them. Very much. "There is no such thing as love at first sight" - why not? "Things are never simple" - why aren't they? If you love someone, and they love you back, who is to say it won't work out just fine, even if there are some challenges along the way. Now I have no illusions that I have chosen the seemingly hard path. There is geography and cultural differences against us. But when I speak to this person my heart sings and I feel so much lighter about everything. When I went away, if I tried to look into the future all I saw was fog and drizzle. Now when I think about the future I feel excited, and positive, and hopeful and full of plans. So, if I seem illusive in the coming weeks, it is because I am trying to piece my life together and make some very big changes. However, just to re-assure you all, I am very much of sound mind, and sound heart. I have thought this through from as many angles as any person can find. But I have to say that once I started following my heart, everything seemed to start clicking into place. I have a long journey ahead, and things may not be straightforward, but I feel really positive about the future, even if it doesn't work out with my Egyptologist. (God forbid) "always throw salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate, plant lavender for good luck, and fall in love- whenever you can." Maybe this will be my motto from here forward....